Dating doesn’t change anything.

Being in a relationship isn’t all that different from being single. At least, not with my experience. I always thought it would change my life completely. But if I’m honest, all it’s done is given me a new best friend, and someone to daydream about (which, really, I did before anyway). A bit of my free time is gone, because I am spending it on the phone or texting him. (I’m in a long distance relationship right now. Only a few more months till I’m home for good though!!! Whoot whoot!)
For many people, I think they have a different experience. They become dependent on their significant other, and that changes their life. But for me, I am confident with who I am. I am still me. I still love God. I still love my hobbies. I am still my own person. The only difference is that I’m now sharing that person (ME!) with someone else. I am not different. I am the same. And personally, I think that’s how it should be. If you change for someone, you will not be content. Pretending is a lot of work, and eventually you WILL snap. Then things REALLY won’t be pretty.
So why am I confident my relationship will work out? Because I am being myself. Because he is being himself. Because we are self-confident, and we do not need each other to be happy. I was happy before he came into my life. He is an added joy: a gift from God. But I do not look to him to be happy. If I did, any small bump in our relationship and we’re done. I am not in a relationship to be happy. I am in a relationship to love him, and to honour God. It’s an issue with so many relationships nowadays. As soon as someone isn’t making you happy, BAM…. it’s over. How shallow is that?!?! Happiness? YOUR happiness is more important than the commitment you’ve made? Come on people! Look outside your little bubble of self-consumed happiness. Okay, I’m being a little harsh. But relationships are more than finding happiness. They are for finding love. Love isn’t always easy, but in the end, it’s always worth it.

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Just teach your daughters patience already!!

If there’s one thing in the world that would help young girls today, it’s patience. The impatience to be romantic, the impatience to be beautiful, the impatience to feel popular, the impatience to ‘live’, the impatience to feel in control….etc. The list goes on!

Our society teaches girls that they need things, and they need it NOW! No use waiting… right? You want to feel sexy? You want to look like an adult? You want to have that perfect boyfriend? Well, all you have to do it go out and get it!
Think I’m wrong? Just go to the mall.
You can’t buy shorts longer than high-thigh. There’s make-up everywhere. Even the shops for younger girls has pictures of young adults, as if “YOU BUY OUR STUFF AND YOU WILL LOOK LIKE THIS!”
Girls can’t wait to get boobs, it’ll make them sexy. They can’t wait to get a boyfriend. They can’t wait to go to their first party. They can’t wait… they can’t wait…
But what is wrong with waiting? Why do they need makeup? Why do they need to dress like the older girls? (Have you SEEN girl bathing suits lately? Personally, I think a girl who hasn’t hit puberty looks downright silly wearing suits that are meant for boobs.) Why can’t they wait to grow up? BECAUSE SOCIETY TEACHES US THAT GROWN UPS HAVE ALL THE FUN.

What about boys? It’s my personal belief that if young girls are taught patience, they will end up with a significantly lower number of heartbreaks. Because if she is so anxious to find “the one”, then every boy she likes will be a potential candidate. And every time that boy ISN’T “the one”, her heart will break. Because she really thought he was. But if girls can be patient, if they can learn to wait, won’t their heartbreak start fading away. If they know their man will come when it’s time, and likely not when they’re expecting it, then they will quite the wild escapades of beautiy, sexiness, and showing off trying to attract that guy’s eye. Because lets be honest, girls think about guys A LOT! It takes a very mature young lady to admit that she’s not looking for her prince charming 75% of the time. Without this crazy search happening, won’t girls stop trying to be perfectly beautiful? Won’t this make a difference on how they see their imperfections? Because if they’re not looking for guys, who are they trying to impress? Please ask this, who are they trying to impress? The other girls who know how much work it takes to look that way? The strangers on the street who they will never see again? Their parents who raised her before she knew what makeup was?
No. The incentive to look good comes largely from the pressure of attracting guys.
Without this, girls would not need to feel insuperior in looks. Would this raise their confidence? I think yes. If they aren’t worried about how they look, then being self-conscious about it is completely out of the picture.

So parents, please start teaching your daughters to be patient. Their time will come. Soon, the braces will go away, the body will come, the adult life will have it’s time, and the boys will flock to her because they see someone confident in herself. Worry about who you will attract, and you won’t get the catch you want. But if you can be patient, and know that the right guy will come along at the right time, then when he does show up, you’ll be ready for him. You won’t have wasted your time on anyone less worthy of your time, and you won’t have given away your love to someone who didn’t fully respect it. Because you were patient, and because you respected your time, so will he.

Believe me. Patience is worth it.

C’mon girls, this habit has GOT to go!

You know what I’m tired of? I’m tired of girls who are embarrassed of the guys they like. I hate that. Girls will show their friends a picture of the guy they like, and say stuff like, “He’s more attractive in person” or “It’s just a bad picture”..etc. Sure… it may not be the best picture, but do you really need to make excuses? Why on earth are you defending how he looks? If you find him attractive, why are you acting like you don’t? I like to think about how I’d feel if a guy liked me, showed my picture to his friends, and tried to make excuses for how I looked. I would be down-right insulted!

I’ve done this myself. Many times! But it wasn’t until I saw other girls do it that I realized how it must come across.

Each person will find different things attractive. It’s true that guys with big muscles, intense eyes, and charming smiles tend to attract more girls. But who’s to say that there aren’t other looks that are allowed to be attractive? Each person is beautiful in their own way, no matter what the media says. And if you have to make up excuses for why your crush or significant other looks a certain way, then there are some things you need to deal with.

  1. Learn to appreciate everything about that person. Not just who they are as a person (as people often encourage, although this is SOOOOO important) but how they look as well! If you are investing yourself enough to say you have a crush on them, then you should accept them, not shun them! That’s harming to you and how you see them, and how open you are to getting to know them.
  2. Stop putting stock in what the media says. We’ve all seen the guys that seem to step out of teen magazines. And we’ve all had our two hour crushes on them. As girls, we dream of the perfect prince that will sweep us off our feet. But truthfully, not every guy fits “the look”. And what I’ve learned is that there are way more attractive things about a guy than him fitting “the look.” Personally, I like a guy that doesn’t fit this. I don’t want my man to look just like every other girls’ guy! I like to think I’m a little unique, so I’d like my guy to be the same. Plus, who is the media to say what’s beautiful and what’s not? If I’m attracted to someone what doesn’t fit “the look” then that’s my choice, and I shouldn’t have provide a reason for it.
  3. Don’t act like his worth comes from how attractive he is, or how well he fits “the look”. It’s not a bad thing to show your friends what he looks like. What IS wrong is taking his appearance and letting them tell you that “Oh, he’s okay” or “Or eh, I guess he’s kinda cute” or even, “You could do so much better!” As if this determines his worth! And if they do judge, don’t be ashamed of what you’ve decided on, or what you think is attractive. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and preferences, and so are you. Stand up for him! I’d love to have a guy who has the guts and commitment to do that for me.

I want to show the character that I want to see in my potential husband. There is no reason for me not to! Physical attraction is part of any crush or relationship, but personality far exceeds it. Even so, physical appearance still plays a part! But don’t let it become such a huge factor for you that you put down your crush/significant other in order to fit into the idea of “the look.” Be unique. Be yourself. And most of all, never be ashamed of someone for not fitting society’s idea of attractive.

Can I have your number?

Today I had a very interesting and unusual experience. Someone asked for my number!
Now, it’s not like I don’t have a life (although sometimes it feels like it), and I do my best to be friendly and open with people. However, it’s not very often a guy will ask for my number.
But despite this rarity, I refused to give it to him. Why? For two reasons: I am not desparate enough to accept anyone who flirts with me. And because he had all the wrong reasons for asking.
He started talking to me at the bus stop, and we continued to chat as we got on the bus. It was an interesting enough converstation. But I started to notice that it was VERY one sided. He’d talk about himself, I would smile, nod, and make affirming sounds. Perhaps, once in a while, I would get a short question in.

I honestly DON’T mind if people want to talk a lot. It takes the pressure off me. But it was what he said after that got to me.
“Can I have your number? I feel like we had a really good talk.”
Excuse me? The only thing he knew about me was my name, even though I knew so much about him! His school, his ambitions, his favourite activities…etc. But he had said WE had a good talk, when it was simply HIM liking having someone to listen.

We all need someone to listen to us. However, it doesn’t feel right to have interest in someone because they will be that Listener. That isn’t fair to them, or to you. That’s not a relationship. Relationships go two ways.
If I were going to give my number to anyone, it would be because I know they are interested in knowing me. Not someone who simply likes me listening to them. That does not show me a lot of personal confidence that I want in a potential partner.
So yes, I said no to giving him my number. And I can stand by that no matter what. I may not get many offers, but when someone who is TRUELY interested in me comes along, I’ll be ready.